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In Nigeria, adulthood often isn’t defined by age but by permission — the constant need to justify one’s choices to parents who still see their grown children as kids. You could be 30, have a degree, even pay bills, and still be treated like a rebellious teenager. For many young Nigerians, adulthood isn’t handed over with age; it’s something they have to fight for every day.
“I can’t imagine my life without controlling parents” — Tomiwa, 22
For Tomiwa, turning 18 didn’t mean freedom. At 22, he still lives under his parents’ roof and under their control. His 6:00 p.m. curfew remains non-negotiable, and any attempt to question it brings trouble.
“When I turned 18, I expected to make more personal choices, but I never got that,” he said. “If I want to visit someone, I have to ask permission. Once, I complained about the rules, and my dad flogged me until I bled. I still have the scars.”
The constant control has shaped him in ways he doesn’t entirely like. “I realised I can’t make decisions without checking with them. Even in school, I report everything I do. But I’ve also become a good liar because of it,” he admitted.
Tomiwa’s parents never allowed him to learn a skill or earn an income, leaving him fully dependent. “My mates live independently, while I still ask permission to visit a friend. If I assert myself, they say the devil is leading me astray.”
Yet, in an unexpected twist, he finds comfort in the control. “Their rules give me structure I don’t know how to create on my own. I hate it, but I’ve gotten used to it. Now, I just go with the flow for peace to reign.”
“They paint my independence as rebellion, but it’s not true” — Demi, 22
Demi lives on her own now, thanks to NYSC, but even distance hasn’t freed her from parental scrutiny. “I paid my rent myself, but my parents still question everything I do — where I go, who I see, when I’ll be back,” she said.
Her parents’ rules follow her home like shadows. “When I’m home, I can’t make calls after 8 p.m., and there’s a 7 p.m. curfew. My mum once reported me to my dad because I refused to return home during mid-term break. She claimed I was with a man.”
As the first child, Demi feels a responsibility to break the cycle of control for her siblings. “If I can’t make my own decisions at 22, when will I? My mum calls my independence rebellion, but I just want freedom.”
She dreams of a life lived freely. “If I had autonomy, I’d stop worrying about their approval. I’d have more friends, and my social life would finally breathe.”
“My mum refuses to treat me like an adult” — Mide, 22
Fresh out of university and waiting for NYSC, Mide still lives with her parents — under her mother’s close watch. “She says I’m grown, but her actions don’t match her words. She wants to know where I am, where I’m going, and with whom,” she said.
Even church attendance isn’t negotiable. “She insists I follow her to church even when I don’t want to. I’m scared to do anything because I’ll eventually have to explain myself.”
Her attempts at independence are often met with the same refrain: I’m your mother, and I’m older than you. “Typical Yoruba mother stuff,” she sighed. “If I had full autonomy, I’d live on my own, away from their monitoring. Maybe I’d finally learn how to socialise and date without fear.”
“I just got my independence and now I know it’s something that must be fought for” — Augustus, 31
After three decades under his mother’s roof, Augustus finally moved out in September 2024. Even though he paid rent and split bills, he still lived by her strict rules.
“My mum is very traditional and loves reminding me she’s older,” he said. “I couldn’t stay out late. Watching a movie past 10 p.m. could turn into a sermon about prayer.”
His social life suffered under the constant policing. “Female friends couldn’t visit because she assumed things. Even male friends weren’t safe from interrogation. By 29, she was still dictating what I could or couldn’t do.”
Now, he’s finally free. “Living alone means I can host friends without judgment. We hang out late, laugh, and relax — things I was never allowed to do. Independence, I’ve learned, must be claimed, not given.”
“At night, I hide my phone from my parents” — Timileyin, 28
Timileyin has lived under strict control her entire life — and she’s planning her escape. “My parents have been overbearing since secondary school. I wasn’t allowed to visit friends or stay in the university hostel. My dad drove me to school daily and picked me up,” she recalled.
Her privacy has never been respected. “In 2017, my mum went through my phone and found messages with my crush. Since then, I’ve had to hand over my phone every night. Now I hide it — it drives her crazy, but I’m done.”
Even as an adult, she still has a 7:00 p.m. curfew. “If I’m late, they say I’m following bad girls or ruining my life. They’ve even said no man would marry a woman who lives alone,” she said.
Still, she’s determined to break free. “I’ve been saving for eight months to move out by early 2026. I won’t tell them until I’m ready. I can’t wait to have my own place — to make friends, host people, and live the life I’ve only seen online.”
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