25 Deep Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

…and why not asking them could cost you your peace and purpose.

Let’s be honest — we’ve all seen it.

A couple seems perfect: they pray together, love each other deeply, share everything online, and even have matching Ankara. But barely one year into the marriage, cracks start to show. And sometimes, the cracks aren’t new — they were just never addressed.

One time, I asked a married friend what shocked her the most after tying the knot. Her response?

“I wish we had talked more about expectations. It wasn’t that my husband changed, it was that I didn’t ask enough before saying yes.”

This article isn’t here to scare you.
It’s here to prepare you.
Because many beautiful marriages were built, not just on love — but on clarity.

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Let’s break this down into 5 major sections:

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1.  MONEY & FINANCES

“Love is sweet o… but when money enters, love is sweeter.”
And also more complicated if you’re not aligned.

Imagine this:
Sade grew up watching her parents budget everything. No surprise birthday parties, no impulse buying. Meanwhile, her fiancé, Femi, is the “YOLO” king — believes money should be enjoyed in the moment.
Fast forward 8 months into marriage, and they’re constantly fighting.
Not because they don’t love each other, but because they never discussed financial styles.

Here are 5 questions that could save you from that headache:

1. Are we merging finances or keeping separate accounts? Why?

2. How do you feel about budgeting, saving, and investing?

3. Do you have any debt I should know about?

4. Are you naturally a spender or a saver?

5. Would you consider a prenuptial agreement? Why or why not?

Note: Your financial history is not your destiny — but silence about it can become a silent killer.

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2.  INTIMACY & SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY

A wise woman once said, “Sex is not everything… but it’s not nothing either.”

Let’s not pretend — many marriages are battling emotional and sexual disconnect.

I remember Tola, a church worker who waited until marriage to have sex. By month 3, she was drowning in confusion. Her husband had different expectations — things they never talked about, assuming “we’ll figure it out.”

If you’re getting married, ask these early:

6. What are your sexual expectations — frequency, style, openness?

7. What turns you on or off?

8. How do you feel about past sexual history — should we discuss it?

9. Are there boundaries or fantasies I should be aware of?

10. What does “intimacy” mean to you beyond the bedroom?

Tip: Conversations like this require trust. Talk with maturity, honesty, and zero shame.

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3.  ROLES & RESPONSIBILITIES

Marriage is not a contract. It’s a partnership.
But how do you want that partnership to look?

Take this example:
Dayo and Bisi never discussed who would handle what in the home. Dayo assumed he’d be the breadwinner while Bisi would handle the home. Bisi assumed both of them would contribute equally — emotionally, financially, and domestically.
Assumptions became tension.
Tension became resentment.

Ask these before you start “lifeing” together:

11. What’s your view on gender roles — traditional, modern, or blended?

12. How will we split household chores and parenting?

13. Who makes final decisions when we disagree?

14. How do we handle changes — job loss, relocation, or family emergencies?

15. How should we support each other’s dreams and career?

Remember: A successful marriage requires a lot of “How can I help?” and not “That’s not my job.”

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4.  VALUES, FAITH & BELIEFS

Attraction may bring you together. Alignment keeps you together.

Think about it — your beliefs shape everything:

• How you raise kids.

• How you spend money.

• How you respond to crisis.

I once coached a couple who loved each other dearly — but one believed in giving tithes regularly, while the other thought it was “Old Testament talk.”
They didn’t talk about it early.
Now, their bank account has become a battleground.

Here are 5 value-driven questions you should both answer:

16. What are your religious/spiritual beliefs, and how important are they?

17. What does loyalty mean to you?

18. How do you view birth control, abortion, or family planning?

19. What does love look like to you — acts, words, service?

20. What behaviors are absolute deal-breakers?

Bonus Question: If our values clash, how will we resolve them?

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5.  CONFLICT, COMMUNICATION & COMMITMENT

You won’t always agree. But can you fight fair?

Uche once told me:

“The day I knew my wife loved me deeply wasn’t during our wedding… It was during our first real fight. She didn’t walk away. She listened. That changed everything.”

Arguments are not the enemy — silence, pride, and ego are.

These questions can help you build emotional intelligence:

21. How do you handle conflict — quietly or vocally?

22. Would you consider counseling or therapy if needed?

23. When we argue, do you need space or resolution immediately?

24. How do you react to criticism?

25. Do you forgive easily or hold grudges?

Marriage is not for perfect people. It’s for two people who are committed to working through imperfections — together.

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 CLOSING THOUGHT

Marriage isn’t built in church or at the altar.
It’s built in conversations — the uncomfortable, honest, deep kind.
The kind where you’re not just trying to win, but understand.

Before you commit to a wedding date, commit to asking and answering these questions.
Because forever is a long time to live with unspoken expectations.

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 Key Takeaways:

• Don’t just plan the wedding, plan the marriage.

• Premarital questions help expose hidden beliefs and potential conflict areas.

• Deep, honest conversations now will build stronger emotional intimacy later.

• Counseling isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s wisdom.

• Ask the tough questions now, so you don’t cry the painful tears later.

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Was this helpful?
If you’re married, drop in the comments:
What question do you WISH you had asked before marriage?

And if you’re engaged or planning to be, share this with your partner — maybe even schedule a night each week to explore one category.