Am I wrong to Choose to hang out with my boys instead of helping my girlfriend with a family event?

[justseyi]

Am I wrong to Choose to hang out with my boys instead of helping my girlfriend with a family event?

I (30M) have been dating my girlfriend, Teni (28F), for about two years now. We live together, and things are mostly great, though we’ve had some disagreements here and there. One of those disagreements escalated this weekend, and now I’m questioning if I handled things right.

For context, my guys and I have been planning a hangout for weeks. My best friend, Dayo (31M), came up with the idea of spending a weekend in Lekki to chill and just take a break from work and life stresses. It’s something we’d talked about for a while, and I was really looking forward to it because I rarely get to relax like this with my friends anymore.

On the other hand, Teni’s mum had planned a big family Thanksgiving at their house in Ikeja for the same weekend. It was going to be a major event with extended family members flying in. Teni mentioned it about a week before and asked me if I could help with preparations. She wanted me to support her, especially since she knows her mum can be demanding during events like these.

I told her I already had plans with my friends and couldn’t make it. At first, she didn’t seem too bothered, but as the day drew closer, she started expressing her frustration. She said this wasn’t just “her family’s event” but something important to her, and that she felt it was only fair for me to cancel my plans to support her.

I stood my ground, telling her that this hangout with my friends had been in the works for weeks and that I didn’t think it was fair to drop everything last minute. She didn’t say much after that, but the tension in the house was clear.

On Saturday morning, as I was packing up to leave, Teni barely spoke to me. When I tried to talk to her, she told me she felt “hurt” and thought I was being selfish for choosing a hangout over something important to her. I still went on the trip, and honestly, it was a great time with my boys.

When I got back, Teni wasn’t her usual self. She’s been distant and has repeatedly mentioned how she feels I didn’t prioritize her or the relationship. She said she feels like I “chose fun over being there for her when it mattered.” I explained that I didn’t see why I should cancel my plans for something I wasn’t initially involved in, but she didn’t seem convinced.

Now, I feel torn. On one hand, I believe I had every right to follow through on my plans. But on the other hand, I can see why Teni might feel hurt, especially since family events are a big deal in Nigerian culture.

Am I wrong for prioritizing my plans with my guys over supporting Teni with her family’s event?

EDIT: For clarity, my friends and I had talked about this hangout for weeks but finalized plans about a week before Teni mentioned the family event. Her family does these big gatherings about once or twice a year to connect with relatives.

[mannie_frekii]

You and Teni have been together for two years and you stated that her family holds functions like this twice a year so you probably must have attended one and I’m sure that must have been quite the opportunity to get to know Teni’s family better and get closer to them. So if after two years of attending this function you were only told just a week before, then I think your presence there doesn’t really change a lot.
And On the other hand, you and your friends don’t get together as often, so I believe you didn’t do wrong by choosing to be with your guys. Although I believe there’s a way you could have made Teni see things from your perspective and understand that you didn’t mean to hurt her.

[Adenikeblessing]

To begin with, he has attended the event for two years so, is it that the date isn’t constant? Like it wasn’t a fixed date in which everyone knows that that day is particularly for that event?

If the above mentioned is the case or not then, he should have just lovingly communicated with his wife; he already knew there’d be wahala if he left and he pretty much saw the tension coming so, why not just sit with her, hold her and lovingly express how sad it is for you to leave her with all those stress then state your point, reassure her that you love her and would like to be there with her blah blah blah and I think all these wahala would not have been there.

If she didn’t really bother about it from the onset then you should know that it’s the stress that’s getting to her. So, give words of affirmation before leaving and even after you’ve left (if you can, send gifts with words on a small piece of paper) then all of these would have been avoided.

 

Just my opinion🤷🏾‍♀️

[Onyinye]

This situation can be looked at from different angles but communication is what matters.

According to the context of the story, you probably should have attended this gathering more than once. This gathering holds twice a year and it is obvious that the time for this event isn’t fixed. I don’t think you were wrong for hanging out with your friends because it is clear that you were given a short notice (all your plans shouldn’t have to revolve around something that is uncertain) but what matters is how you made that known to your girlfriend. After all, you shouldn’t be the only one to compromise. She’s not wrong for being sad that you aren’t there, that only shows how much she loves you but I am sure you would have let her know about your plans even before it was finalised. She could as well reason from your point of view .

 

Relationship is about compromise and honestly, there’s no correct answer to this question 🥲.

 

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