20 Questions You Should Never Ask Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend (And Why)

Hey there! Relationships are all about connection, trust, and understanding, right? But sometimes, in our quest to get closer, we might ask questions that do more harm than good. I’ve been there—thinking a question was harmless, only to realize it stirred up tension or insecurity. So, let’s chat about 20 questions you should steer clear of asking your boyfriend or girlfriend, along with why they’re best left unasked. These are based on real-life lessons and a bit of psychology about what keeps relationships healthy and happy.

1. “Why don’t you ever do [something] like my ex did?”
   Ouch, comparisons to exes are a minefield. This question can make your partner feel inadequate or like they’re competing with a ghost. It breeds insecurity and resentment. Instead, focus on appreciating what makes your partner unique.

2. “Do you think I’m fat?”
   This puts your partner in a no-win situation. If they say “no,” you might doubt their honesty; if they say “yes,” it’s a blow to your confidence. It’s better to talk about health or fitness goals openly if that’s the concern.

3. “How many people have you slept with?”
   Curiosity is natural, but digging into your partner’s sexual history can spark jealousy or judgment. Unless it’s about health or safety (like STIs), this number doesn’t define your relationship. Focus on your present connection.

4. “Do you think [someone else] is hotter than me?”
   Asking this invites insecurity and puts your partner on the spot. It can make them feel like you’re fishing for validation or doubting their attraction to you. Trust their commitment instead of seeking comparisons.

5. “Why don’t you make more money?”
   This question can hit hard, especially if your partner is sensitive about their career or finances. It implies they’re not good enough, which erodes confidence. If money’s an issue, discuss shared goals or budgeting as a team.

6. “Are you sure you love me?”
   Constantly seeking reassurance can signal insecurity, which might exhaust your partner over time. It’s better to build trust through actions and open conversations about your feelings.

7. “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?”
   This can force your partner to reveal something they’re not ready to share, leading to discomfort or judgment. Let them open up about their past on their own terms.

8. “Why don’t you spend less time with your friends?”
   This question can come off as controlling, suggesting their friendships are a threat. It’s healthier to encourage their social life while discussing how to balance time together.

9. “Do you think we’ll be together forever?”
   This puts pressure on your partner to predict the future, which no one can do. It can create anxiety or doubt. Focus on enjoying the present and building a strong foundation instead.

10. “Why don’t you like my family?”
    If your partner hasn’t said they dislike your family, don’t assume it. This question can force them to criticize loved ones, creating tension. Address specific issues calmly if they arise.

11. “What’s wrong with you today?”
    This sounds accusatory and assumes something’s off. If your partner seems off, try asking, “Hey, you seem quiet—are you okay?” It shows care without judgment.

12. “Why did your last relationship end?”
    While it’s tempting to know, this can bring up painful memories or make your partner feel judged. If it’s relevant, let them share naturally when they’re ready.

13. “Do you think I’m bad at [something]?”
    Asking this can trap your partner into either lying or hurting your feelings. If you’re worried about a skill, ask for constructive feedback in a specific, positive way.

14. “Why don’t you trust me?”
    This question assumes a lack of trust, which might not be true, and can make your partner defensive. If trust is an issue, address specific behaviors or incidents openly.

15. “How much do you love me?”
    Love isn’t a measurable quantity, and asking this can feel like a test. It might make your partner feel pressured to prove something that’s better shown through actions.

16. “Why don’t you change [this thing] about yourself?”
    This implies your partner isn’t good enough as they are, which can hurt deeply. If something bothers you, approach it as a team, like, “Can we work on this together?”

17. “Do you still talk to your ex?”
    Unless there’s a specific reason to suspect an issue, this question can signal jealousy or mistrust. If you’re concerned, talk about boundaries instead of digging for dirt.

18. “What do you think about my friends?”
    This puts your partner in a tough spot, especially if they don’t vibe with your crew. It can lead to awkwardness or forced opinions. Let them form relationships naturally.

19. “Why don’t you post about me on social media?”
    This can feel like you’re measuring their love by their online activity. Not everyone expresses affection publicly. Talk about what makes you feel valued instead.

20. “What would you do if I cheated on you?”
    This hypothetical question can plant seeds of doubt and make your partner question your intentions. It’s better to focus on building trust than imagining worst-case scenarios.

Relationships thrive on open communication, but not every question needs to be asked. Some things are better left unsaid to avoid hurt feelings, unnecessary tension, or mistrust. I’ve learned that the best conversations come from a place of curiosity, care, and respect—not from testing or probing. By avoiding these 20 questions, you’re setting the stage for a stronger, more trusting bond.

What do you think? Have you ever asked a question you later wished you hadn’t? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep the convo going, but maybe not too personal!